All our own work is © Monsta Productions (or, where listed, the respective author)
When I was asked to interview myself for the MonstaPro staff pages, I couldn't believe my luck. I had always admired myself in many ways. In fact, you could say that I had been a huge influence on my life. And what better way to pay homage to myself than an interview?
I decided that if I was going to do this, I'd do it properly, so I organised a meeting with myself in a local Jazz club.
As soon as I stepped in through the door, I was hit full force by the overpowering stench of stale smoke and cheap liquor. Two men, dressed entirely in black and wearing berets, were up on stage, playing oversized bass guitars and speaking in a language only the "hep cats" could understand... something along the lines of: "Skipiddy. Bop. Bop. Skipiddy-pow. Crazy man, crazy".
I didn't try to understand it- In fact, I really didn't care enough to try. After all, I was waiting for my all time greatest hero to arrive. But then I realised... I had already arrived. This was getting confusing, so I decided to get on with the interview as quickly as possible.
Chris:
So Chris, (love your work by the way), who are you and what exactly do you do for MonstaPro?
Chris:
Hi Chris, I'm glad you asked. I am the joint project lead, author and all round great guy.
Chris:
So what exactly does that mean?
Chris:
Good question Chris. Well, that means that I am one of the project leaders. I organise things, like meetings and work schedules, I also plan future projects and "ok" other people's ideas. Secondly it's my job (jointly with Beanus) to plan where the website is going in the future. Finally, I'm one of the two main MonstaPro authors, thusly it is also my job to write stories for the site and make sure that we've always got something new and fresh.
Chris:
That's a huge undertaking Chris. Who else helps with your obviously enormous workload?
Chris:
Another good question Chris. Well, Beanus is also joint project lead, so he basically does the same job as me, only not as well, obviously. Carpet also oversees the update schedules and makes sure that everyone is doing stuff to keep the site up to date, and we wouldn't even have a music section if it weren't for (the man, the myth) Murray.
Chris:
You say you're an author? So how does one write exactly? Where do your ideas come from? And how difficult is it to come up with a good story?
Chris:
Steady on Chris, one question at a time.
Anyway, writing is a pain in the backside. Authoring a story takes time (a lot of time). Being a writer is about ninety percent staring out of the window, cursing the day you became a writer and about five percent actual writing...
Chris:
And the remaining five percent?
Chris:
The remaining five percent is cheap beer and fast women... or
should that be cheap women and fast beer?
Anyways, I've been writing since a very early age. In fact, I was writing even before I knew how to write. Confused? You should be. Maybe I should
explain.
In order to write, every author needs one crucial instrument, which is what we in the industry call "imagination". Without "imagination" you have no story.
I'm a Dyslexic (meaning my concentration span is officially bollocks and my spelling is diabolical), and back when I was in school Dyslexia was virtually unheard of. Thusly I had monumental difficulties when it came to actually doing the work set out by the teachers and I'd spend most of my time staring out of the window trying to think up ways of wasting my school time (daydreaming). This was great exercise. The brain, like any other muscle, needs to be worked in order for it to grow and gain strength. So parents, next time you catch your kid daydreaming, not doing whatever it is that they're supposed to be doing, don't be too hard on them.
Chris:
Wow, that was a great answer Chris.
Chris:
Thanks Chris, but I haven't finished yet.
Coming up with a story is easy; after all, you only have to imagine stuff. But it is coming up with a "good" story: that is difficult.
Your initial problems will stem from motivation. There are a lot of factors that go into the subject of motivation. Tragically, there is a kind of myth with motivation which states that you either have it, or you don't. This is very untrue. Motivation, like imagination, is one of those things that you gets stronger with practice. The more you write, the easier it becomes, the greater the rewards. I mean, don't get me wrong, writing will always be one of the most difficult of the creative arts, and it will never become easy. But it does become "easier" over time.
Still on the subject of motivation, there is always the "one day" ethic. This is where many of the prospective authors out there will be saying to themselves "I'll write that book... "one day"." And when will that be exactly? Hmm? When hell freezes over? People, trust me when I say that it'll never happen unless you actually pick up a pen and do it.
The next problem will probably come in the form of the dreaded "cliché". Go to a library and take a good look around. How many stories do you see? Virtually anything and everything you can think of has been done before. The trick is to keep it looking fresh, even if it isn't.
Take Cataclysm (one of my earlier titles), for example. It's pretty generic stuff. It's your standard "slightly eccentric artificial intelligence meets human" story, but I'm hoping that the style in which it is written, and the little details that I have included are enough to set it apart from the rest.
Along these lines, another issue will probably crop up at some time, and that's the "it's not good enough" problem. Basically this is where you'll get overly critical of your work. It helps to have a friend that will read your stuff (I have Beanus, for example) and will critique it fairly and constructively. I guess I have a bit of an unfair advantage here being that Beanus is an English-Literacy University Graduate, where as many other authors may not have access to one of those.
In the not so distant future I'll probably write a more in depth "how to" and slap it up on the site for any and all who want to know more, but for now I think the best advice I can give is to just do it and keep doing it. Writing is a skill, after all, and needs to be practiced just like any other.
Chris:
You still haven't told us where your ideas come from...
Chris:
My brain.
Chris:
Care to elaborate at all?
Chris:
No.
Chris:
Oh go on, you know you want to.
Chris:
Fine.
My influences come in many shapes and forms, although I don't think I'd be writing today if it weren't for the games industry.
Gaming has probably been the single biggest influence on my writing, followed in a close second by the movie industry. There are other factors, of course, like working closely with other creative people. Beanus has probably influenced me the most out of the crew, firstly because he shares the same interest and passion for writing, and secondly because he tolerates my incessant verbal abuse :)
Beanus' work is always of a great quality, which pushes me in all sorts of ways. Trying to keep up with him has been a full time job and I think my writing is all the better for it.
Of course, the rest of the crew have been a great influence. In fact, if I were in a slightly different circle of friends I doubt I ever would have gotten writing in the first place. I think Simon (of Mad Simon's O.C. fame) has also been a big influence on me, although more by example than actual support. When Anonymous Tip was formed, I don't think anyone (even them) thought that they would get as far as they have in such a short time. It was this factor that kind of kicked me into gear when it came to producing the website.
Secondly there is the coding team of Carpet and Murray. Without them this website would never have even got past the production stage, and it is their passion for what they do that keeps me interested in what I do.
Then there is the film production crew, with James (Webber) and Jamie. They work to a consistently high quality, regardless of their lack of resources. They make a great example of what is possible should you put your heart into a project.
Chris:
So what do you hope will happen in the future regarding the website? And what are your plans, should you become famous?
Chris:
Well, regarding the website, I'd like to see it expand to include other authors and film makers and maybe even at a later date game designers, artists and musicians. I'd like to see MonstaPro become much more than the sum of its parts. If it were to become a community hub for creative web users, then I guess I would die a happy man.
As regarding my future? Well, should I become rich and famous, I'm seriously thinking of becoming a bohemian. Of course, I have no idea what a bohemian is, but I certainly like the sound of it. My second choice is to become a mad old naked hermit. Once I make my first billion, or so, I'll probably give it all away to some random guy in the street and move out into the country, where I'll pitch a tent and scare random passers by with my predictions of impending doom and stark nudity.
Chris:
And what about your love life?
Chris:
Love... life?
Chris:
What's your favourite position?
Chris:
On my back, with a bottle of something lethal in my mouth... my first choice is paint-stripper.
Chris:
Uh, I meant sexual position...
Chris:
So did I...
Chris:
Is this the road to Amarillo?
Chris:
No, you want to go out the door, do a left, go past the mad old naked hermit, up the hill and do another left. The road to Amarillo should be on your right. If you see a big pointy metal thing, with lots of people in berets and stripy shirts running around saying (puts on a bad French accent) "English pig dog" and "Le gerbil flies softly at midnight. Vive le resistance", then you've gone too far.
Chris:
Blondes or brunettes?
Chris:
Neither. Redheads.
Chris:
What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep?
Chris:
A woolly jumper.
Chris:
What's the square route of 49?
Chris:
I have no idea.
Chris:
And finally, you approach a girl in a bar, you find her attractive, what's your opening line?
Chris:
Hey there pretty lady, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can still make your Bedrock. [wink]
Chris:
Cheers mate, it's been... interesting.
Chris:
No it hasn't.